Art direction by Joshua Nelson; photography by Christopher DeVargas; styling by Nicole Chandler; Mac King & Melody Sweets hair and makeup by Sabrina Bates-Whited; Anthony Cools & Carrot Top hair and makeup by Tai Shane.

Don’t hit “call reject”—it’s Hollywood on the line. Seriously. Why? Well, you’ve had quite the life, haven’t you? Eventful enough—or, who knows, maybe scandal-riddled enough—to justify a boffo-budget, exotic-locale, melodrama (or comedy)-filled big-screen bio of your singularly spectacular existence.

Here’s the quandary: Who would portray you? What movie-star heavyweight could possibly assume the awesome responsibility of preserving you forever in cinematic glory? While you play that parlor game for yourself, we decided to have fun posing that query to several stars of the Las Vegas Strip—Absinthe temptress Melody Sweets, prop-comic master Carrot Top, comedy-magician Mac King and master hypnotist Anthony Cools—and even have them play dress-up like their chosen fantasy doppelgangers.

We suggest the Hollywood hot shots they favor accept the gigs—then make room on their mantels for that naked golden guy they love so much.

Anthony Cools (Will Ferrell in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy)

"On Saturday Night Live, some of his sketches were hilarious. With the cowbell, I was literally in tears. ‘More cowbell!"

Anthony Cools' wardrobe: Topman shirt, jacket, pants and tie, Fashion Show

Mac King (Steve Martin in The Pink Panther)

"I met Steve Martin one time in a restaurant in L.A. This agent was trying to wine and dine me and he was a friend of Steve Martin and he was in the restaurant and he came over to say hello. He introduced me, told him I was a magician. Steve said, ‘What kind of magic do you do?’ I said the vanishing candle and something else that were both from his old act. He laughed. That was our only interaction."

Mac King's wardrobe: Unlisted by Kenneth Cole shirt, Calvin Klein trench coat, Andrew Marc jacket, Alfani Paulo shoes, Country Gentlemen hat, tie, all at Macy’s in Fashion Show

Melody Sweets (Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago)

"I also like her because she started in theater and she didn’t like that she was being typecast, so she uprooted herself and moved to Hollywood and that takes (guts). I have a similar story. I wanted to be in showbiz and uprooted myself."

Melody Sweets' wardrobe: American Outfitters dress, Fashion Show, shoes, DKNY fishnet stockings, INC necklace and bracelet, all at Macy’s in Fashion Show

Carrot Top (Ed Norton in Fight Club)

"One of my favorite (Norton movies) is Fight Club. He was so heavy duty in that. He never overdoes it, he just plays the cool dude. You wouldn’t think he would be tough but he is. And American History X, where he was very dark and deep."

Carrot Top's wardrobe: Michael Kors pants, Ryan Seacrest Distinction belt, all at Macy’s in Fashion Show